St. Paddy's Day Pickings.

I may be married to a Dutchman, but my roots go back to England, Scotland and the beautiful Emerald Isle.  I have never visited there, but my sister and I dream of one day going and visiting the Irish coast, the small quaint towns and rolling, rocky green hills our ancestral tree sprang from.  After all, my name is Coleene, although my mom chose to spell it with an extra e at the end.  It is pronounced COE-Lean as opposed to CALL-lean, but still meaning "girl" in Irish.  My sister likes to dabble in genealogy and she uncovered that my Mother's maiden name (which I won't print here), was changed when the family immigrated probably back in the 1600's from McGregor to a more non-ethnic sounding name.

Fisher Street, Doolin, Ireland 

Recently, while reading of a family whose little baby son suffers from the same kidney disease as our son Timmy, I Facebook friended this young mother.  After a few chats on-line, I would find out she lived in County Clare, Ireland.  This was just the coolest thing in so many ways.  After sharing our lives and sons, we both feel that God is definitely involved in this long distance relationship. Jayden is 14 months old and recently just started walking.  Twice a week, Nuala takes him to the hospital where he receives an albumin treatment through a catheter in his chest.  This is to replace the protein he does not process because of his kidney disease. Jayden will need a transplant in the future when he is about 5 or 6, but I pray that a cure could be found to reverse this disease before that time.  
          
                                               JAYDEN

I thought I would add a little history..(.just a little OK...) about Ireland.   Ireland was once divided up into five parts.  They were called the five -fifths.  (of-course).  The Celts were people that lived in these lands that stretched from the British Isles  to the Middle East.  Most of the information gathered from these tribes is  from archeological sights, for they did not keep a written record.  The Romans eventually drove the Celts North and to the West.  The Celts considered the death of King Arthur in the Crusades, "an end to true civilization".  The Celtic people were considered to be educated and knowledgeable.  Many Romans employed them as their teachers.  

 

In the months that followed my son's passing, I was in an art class with my student.  The teacher, Ms. Hunt, presented a section on Celtic knots.  I found this very interesting.  These designs are a familiar sight on many crosses and architectural motifs, jewelry and other metal pieces across Ireland. Recently they have become popular as well for  "tatoo" designs.   These knots are eternal coils, no beginning, no ending.  The continual movement of the lines over and under, around and through represents love and faith in life.  

The art project was to design your name using Celtic knots of different designs, and creating as well a little of your own personality into the design.  Well, lucky me, I got to do art along with my student and I chose to do Tim's name.  

 I had so much fun doing this kind of silly drawing, in which you will see golf balls, tulips for his dutch heritage, rose representing his life, an  Iron Cross that was in a lot of the style of clothing Tim  wore. There are  some knots done in different colors to represent different things...then his last name, like a vine entwining the whole picture.  I need to get this framed someday.  


Last, but not least, today would have been my dog's 15th birthday.  "Lucky" Chance was born on St. Patrick's Day and I have a fantastic story about our life and this Dog, but I am getting ready to send it off for possible acceptance in the  "Chicken Soup" series,  about pets and  I do not  want to spoil anything by "pre- or self-publishing" it here.  Just know that we were blessed to have this special dog grace our lives.  His ashes are now in a cedar box right next to Timmy's on a special shelf in our living room.  He passed only a few months after Timmy.   If any dog deserved Heaven,I would like to think our wonderful Lab is snuggled up with Jesus.  

                                                   

So Today, we  celebrate St. Patrick,(who actually is from Wales) a missionary bringing the Gospel of Christ to Ireland.  One of our music leaders at church reminded us of this poem written by St. Patrick and I am glad to share it with you here.  

St. Patrick's Breastplate Prayer

I bind unto myself today

The strong name of the Trinity,

By invocation of the same,

The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this day to me for ever,

By power of faith, Christ's Incarnation;

His baptism in the Jordan River;

His death on cross for my salvation;

His bursting from the spicèd tomb;

His riding up the heavenly way;

His coming at the day of doom;

I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power

Of the great love of the Cherubim;

The sweet 'Well done' in judgment hour;

The service of the Seraphim,

Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,

The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,

All good deeds done unto the Lord,

And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today

The virtues of the starlit heaven,

The glorious sun's life-giving ray,

The whiteness of the moon at even,

The flashing of the lightning free,

The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,

The stable earth, the deep salt sea,

Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today

The power of God to hold and lead,

His eye to watch, His might to stay,

His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,

His hand to guide, his shield to ward,

The word of God to give me speech,

His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,

The vice that gives temptation force,

The natural lusts that war within,

The hostile men that mar my course;

Or few or many, far or nigh,

In every place and in all hours

Against their fierce hostility,

I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan's spells and wiles,

Against false words of heresy,

Against the knowledge that defiles,

Against the heart's idolatry,

Against the wizard's evil craft,

Against the death-wound and the burning

The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,

Protect me, Christ, till thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me,

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the name,

The strong name of the Trinity;

By invocation of the same.

The Three in One, and One in Three,

Of whom all nature hath creation,

Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,

salvation is of Christ the Lord.

                                                         

It is Three Years Today

Today , February 27th, 2010 marks the three year passing  of Tim to his eternal home with God.  For my blog posting today, I thought I would share a poem I wrote in the week following his memorial service, capturing Tim's personality, his loves and his friends. This poem and his eulogy became the first few things about Tim I began to pour out on paper and in my computer within  the beginning  months of my grief.  Tim's spirit as well as God's ever present prompting Holy Spirit has given me many amazing gifts of insight over these long three years.  The second item  I am posting is a story I wrote for the subject "Bold (emotionally)" for my Faith Writers web sight in the first year (2007) I discovered this blessed place of growth for me.  In reading these postings, may you remember Timmy today, get to know a little about Timmy and myself, but most importantly, know and feel the Love and Hope God can bring to you even in your most desperate hour of need,  especially in our most desperate hour of need. Timmy suffered greatly in the last three years of his life, God answered prayer by giving Timmy true peace and eternal healing.  I will not cover up that there are hard days for me when I really miss Timmy, but I will shout to the roof tops,  to the mountain tops,  that God's Grace, His Amazing Grace sustains me, lavishes on me and empowers me to continue on.

                      MY TIMMY

              My Timmy embraced life

When pain he was free.

Youthful and idealistic,

Energy like a bee.

Charming and quick

With wit to tease,

An entertainer he is,

An audience to please.

My Timmy loved life,

Every minute was busy.

His voice filled the air,

A personality that was fizzy.

Bubbling and brewing

With effervescent steam;

You had so much potential,

You did have a dream...

Go to college, of course;

Communications he'd take.

To be a sports analyst, your knowledge

You could not fake.

From the Olympics to

World Cup soccer you knew.

The players, their histories,

Baseball and football too.

But college basketball was

your favorite sport season.

To be at Duke or UCLA

Would give you reason...

To jump up and down and

Be a crazy fan.

Your team spirit was contagious;

It was seen in the Chino Football Stand.

There are other things you loved,

Your dog "Chance" for one.

He would make you laugh
And gave you so much fun.

That big pooch could cuddle

On the couch and not get "busted".

Because he was snuggled next to you,

His best friend that he trusted.

You loved to do stuff

With your Dad by your side.

Helping with hardware at work

Brought you much pride.

That tool belt was so cute

around your small hips;

but manly you were

With all your drill bits.

You loved your brother Corey

When in the womb you did inquire,

"Does the baby have Jesus in his heart?",

Your desire,

To love him unconditionally,

Even twice your size he became.

Your big younger brother;

His heart will not be the same.

Timmy loved his Aunt Lauren,

A special bond they did share.

Love of sports and jokes,

Often they would compare.

And the house in Paradise

Where Oma and Opa reside;

A retreat with laughter

And family at your side.

That soccer team was special,

All the boys in red, blue and white.

The memories we'll treasure,

You all bring us joy and delight.

My Timmy loved to "party",

A lot of friends he surely had.

There is Jody and Susie and Jennifer,

Across the street, their pad.

Pier fishing and camping

Or just hangin' out,

Timmy you were fun,

In this there is no doubt.

Kyle and Kurt, some troubles

You two did stir,

But we love you, you know that,

And Timmy was "cured"...

When he hung out with you guys

He learned some hard lessons.

Many memories of growing up

And counseling sessions.

Kasey, Tim wanted to marry you.

His good friend's sister

And great listener too.

I know he must have driven you nuts

But thanks for your patience

And friendship so much.

Rick, you are special,

A "big brother" you portrayed.

Looking to you for courage

And to be brave.

A few short weeks in Tucson;

A chance to be on your own.

But home is where you needed to be.

It is your comfort zone.

James, Jessica and Nate

You are loyal to our family and

Timmy's favorite fans.

You'll be in our lives forever

A reminder of God's plans.

My Timmy was a groupie

Of a band called “Solacz.”

Sam and boys , you rock,
       What excitement, that “party bus!”

Play a new tune now

When you remember your number one fan,

An in”spirit”ational member

Of your soon to be famous rock band.

He loved strawberries, cantalope,

Spunky Steer and Round Table.

Del Taco Chile Cheese Fries

And Sweet Tarts were a staple.

He put sour cream on everything

And Christmas cookies we'd love to bake.

Cheesecake and crochetchas at New Year's

Beer at Kelly's and steak.

To sing Karaoke

And make the girls laugh

You loved to entertain

A great gift to have.

My Timmy loved his game of golf

And quite serious you took it.

From the clubs to the balls and clothes,

You would never want to quit.

Even when at times

You could never walk a course.

You relied on the cart,

And that's OK, it's what works.

I know you loved me Timmy

Because frequently you told me,

By your hugs and your kisses

In silence, they were all we would need.

They told me of frustration,

Forgiveness and hurt.

The tightly held squeeze

Another way to assert.

The words were not spoken

But I know what you felt.

And that always would

Make my heart melt.

My Timmy, I am sorry

For your pain here on Earth.

But I am happy for the memories

And joy you brought forth.

I will love you forever

And a day on top of that.

Hang out with God now,

And to Him I will chat.

To bring me peace and comfort

To know you are all right.

Perfect, with a glow,

Shining in my heart so bright.

Love, Mom

(Written a few days after his Celebration of Life, March 2007.)

A Dark Night...Writing of Tim’s Eulogy

It is surreal.  This cannot be happening, but it is.  It is one o’clock in the morning and my son’s memorial service is tomorrow at five o’clock p.m.  I am facing my computer screen, ready to put down words only God, my son and I know.  These precious words, this “Gift” needs to be shared.  I have not even told my husband about the precious words Tim and I shared just a few days ago...and now he is gone and I have this “gift”...  I am the only one to do this.  I must eulogize my son.

How am I ever going to stand in front of all those people and be so vulnerable, so broken hearted, yet convey this all so important message of Hope and Eternal Life while I speak about my first born, who has now passed into Eternity?

I am one-step away from rolling up like a pill bug and crawling into a dark corner. God has brought me here now and I am sensing His presence and strength as I call on his name to surround me with the Holy Spirit and Timmy’s Spirit.  I open up my word document and begin to unravel the tightness in my chest and give testimony to a special child and a loving God.

I begin to punch the keys and the words are too numerous to describe my son.  I tell about his precocious nature, his energy, his “gift of gab”.  I recall a funny anecdote and talk about his school days and love of sports.  I explain his diagnosis at age four, his relapses, medicines, doctors and surgeries.  I include his struggle that he did not so much convey to many outsiders who knew him as this somewhat annoying, yet funny and charming Tim, who could play eighteen holes of golf with the best of them.

Now it comes, the not so fun side of this life, my son’s life.  I must be honest.  “God, please help me with these words.” 

I tell of Tim’s pain and frustration, his wavering faith and impulsiveness, his cries out to God in anger and his desperate search for healing.  I divulge about a not so perfect son and a not so perfect mom.

“You need to know, there is Good News, and Timmy is OK!  Listen to the gift God gave me!  While he was in his hospital bed in intensive care, he was hallucinating a little bit from the pain medicines and I asked him something, and Tim began to tell me something of great importance to him.”

“Mom, the pencil sharpener is singing to me.  Mom, can you hear it?”

 “It is? I laughed.  What is it singing Tim?”   You proceeded to sing to me; eyes shut but with a smile as wide and as bright as I had seen in days.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.  I once was lost but now I am found; was blind but now I see.”

Yes Tim, Amazing Grace!  Four days later, you passed into Heaven’s gates and that sweet old hymn will abide with me forever as God’s assurance to me that your healing came through God’s sovereignty in Glory.

I have to share this special moment with the grieving faces that will come to my son’s Celebration of Life service to remember our son and share in our pain.  Tim had a difficult life but he enjoyed it to the fullest whenever he could.  In the end, he trusted God and he knew he would be OK when he let go.

“Through Tim’s short but exuberant life, his bold spirit lives on and the not so perfect kid with the not so perfect mom stands here today to tell you there is hope in an Oh So Perfect God!  Thank you God, for the privilege of being Timothy’s mom.”

I hit the save button on my computer, then print.  Tomorrow I will eulogize my son and share this Amazing Grace.  I will be bold and strong for I must continue this love between a mother and her son and a God and Believers, between the Saviour and the lost.

Matthew 10:19...”Do not become anxious about how or what you will speak; for it shall be given to you in that hour what you are to speak.

Matthew 10:27 “What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops.”