Tuesday, December 19, 2023

 

Christmas 2023 Poem

The Divine Waltz

 

Wrought with pain, weary from thoughts

This whirlwind of days wrings me tight to drip

The tears of this divine destiny,

Of the weight carried--

All for Your Glorious Will.





I wish upon the stars

And wonder at the Heavens.

The world closes in;

I wrestle. You wrangle.

The Way is made.


When I consider the Heavens...



Lord, I hear your quiet whisper

Above my humble, heartbroken whimpers.

“Trust me,” even in this wreckage.

Grace-wrapping words for the wounds,

Will-submitting words to You, Father--

That will wage war with every soul.

 

Praying at the wake of dawn--

Weaving more threads into this story.

The waiting is real.

Waves wash over me.

Worthy—Worthy, the Lamb of God.




The watchful gather from the hills

The wise come to adore

You are named, Wonderful, Counselor,

Prince of Peace, Waymaker…

Together we warm-up

While the wicked conjure.




Who You are?  The Son of God--

 Messiah; what promise fulfilled!

Love unexplainable yet attainable

Wipes my slate clean.

Where? In my life, my heart.

My unworthiness made whole.



 

In the wear and tear of the waiting--

Walk with me Lord;

Ward off my will.

Wholeheartedly, I worship You

For whosoever believes,

Surrenders to the wooden Cross--

You Welcome Home, an eternal reward.

 

Double You.

Emmanuel, God With Us. 





And in that, Peace wedges in.

Hope winds tight around me.

Love strengthens my weakness

And the dance with the Divine is

A Waltz of Grace.





 

Saturday, September 16, 2023

The Last Petal, a poetic thought from two perspectives of pain and hope.

 




The Last Petal

Two Perspectives

                                                        

Winter rain finally came. 

The dreary hangs over the already weary;

The drizzle, the drench

Does not quench --no foundation

Sinkholes, torrents on every side

Collide. 

 

Break thru the mist--

Prayers for absorption.




Promise of Spring

All things new. 

But it's the same old...

Why this low cloud pressure-

The puddles so blue? 

Need of a sunshine measure

To paint the rainbow smile

Always hope, right? 

I'll plant the seeds,

Grace, stay for more than awhile 

 

Love pulls her feet; let’s breathe together

Look. Listen. See. 

No rain weather.

Find it! Dear one

It's your life raft, Beloved...

 

I just want rest...

 

Closing in, each petal painfully plucked.

I see no beauty now, did I ever?

In Your Creation

“The moon and stars…” she reads

“I am so much more”...she insists.

Am I? 

The bath is drawn to once more 

Try and cleanse the infested.





And in the aftermath 

Of confusion and grief,

You and me memories will never be brief.

The deeper pool of promise

 Intentionally I submerge, 

 

Again and again

For God is good and merciful and true

Even in the last petal, 

Through this new quench of tears,

May Your Glory emerge. 



   Considerably yours,  Coleene   

SUICIDE AND CRISES LIFELINE DIAL 988   


Friday, March 31, 2023

One Year to Sixteen Years

 

Revisited List from Grace Upon Amazing Grace, Chapter 29

One Year to Sixteen Years

Defining Words




After 16 years of Tim entering heaven, I found it interesting to revisit this list I wrote for my memoir on grief. One may find it in chapter 29 titled “One Year.” God prompted me to rewrite the list for such a time as this--how unfathomable time and memories fleet yet leave their everlasting notches. Sixteen years! He’d be 41--surreal; his 42nd birthday at the end of September. It’s impossible to imagine the 40-year-old Timmy. Sometimes I ponder how he might be living his life. When you’re in the midst of trying to get through a day, maybe a week at a time, the possibilities of future years to come did not manifest themselves too much. I am very aware every day that he is not here, but God has opened up the heavens in such a grand way on earth. An eternal perspective is truly healing. Memories keep him alive and I welcome those feelings. Knowing He is with God and that our gracious Lord made that known to me in such a short period of time— nothing but amazing grace and perfect love in abundance. Who could have known that this pain might be used for His glory? I am thankful for the opportunity to tell my story and be encouraged in my writing. In sacrifice, as you seek His will, blessings come.

 


Worship means so much more to me now. Because of the goodness of the Lord through this hard thing, God’s presence in my life is palpable—comforting me in the large space of Timmy’s physical absence. The butterfly dances on air as a reminder and a symbol of God’s metamorphosis in us all and what He has promised. Growing exponentially in confidence in Him to do things through this story I never imagined, I found purpose in encouraging others, leading groups, taking steps of faith in things and believing in united strength for the impossible. Life is still difficult and prayers await in God’s sovereign queue to be answered in ways I’d never orchestrate. I know the God I serve and He reigns victorious.



I made a choice in my son’s passing. I grieved long and hard yet at the same time I intentionally sought God. Many make a choice at one time or another that they believe in God, in what Jesus took and relinquished on the cross, our sin and separation and what He conquered and what He restored, death and communion once again with our creator—God’s part. The next steps lead us into His will and peace, His righteousness. It takes me with God being intentional to grow, to heal, to find purpose, to gain insight, to see things eternally. So many just stop at the believing. Scripture speaks to that. It’s like getting on a roller coaster and it breaks down half way. He has given me carte blanche to the amusement park, why would I not want to discover more?  In that, I recognize His grace upon grace everyday despite the world’s crazy around me.



One Year, sixteen years. “I would have despaired unless I believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.”  (Psalm 27:13-14).

 

 

Blessed be Your Name

On the road marked with suffering

Though there is pain in the offering

Blessed be Your Name.

 

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord, blessed be your Name.

 

You can read these lists 2 ways. First, one list and then the other. But in hindsight, I found reading straight across,--it became even more powerful. That was not intentional by me, but God…He chose to bless me by my own words. Grace Upon Grace.

 

 

Original List                   Updated List

 

Significant loss                   Reality 

Spiritual Insight                  Everlasting Love 

Anxiousness                       Awareness 

Peace                                Eternal Perspective 

Blood                                 First Born 

Grace                                 Amazing Grace 

Exhaustion                          Exhaling 

Rest                                   Refreshed      

Numb                                 Memories 

Sensitive                             Alive

Absent                                With the Lord 

Omnipresent                       My Comfort 

Doubt                                 Opportunity 

Confidence                          Strength 

Holding On                          Sacrifice          

Letting Go                           Blessed 

Mine                                   Gift 

His                                     Purposed 

Falling Over                        Humble posture 

Lifted Up                            Powerful worship 

Out of Sight                        Wait for it

Heaven on Earth                 Butterfly Blessings 

Empty                                Refills 

Full                                    Overflowing 

Questions                           Seeking More of Him 

Promises                             Hope Eternal 

Doubtful                             Transparent 

Purposeful                           Tell my Story 

Needy                                 Needed        

Inspired                              Gift of Exhortation 


Thank you for considering my writing. In the New Testament in the book of James (James 1:2-4) he tells us as well, to consider. As Pastor Chuck Swindoll reminds us in his latest book, "Clinging to Hope", to consider is to "consciously choose to do something, something that doesn't come easy, but takes an act of will."  

God considered you and me in and for a divine purpose. Consider and accept His healing love for you today my friend. 

Considerably yours, 



 

Monday, December 19, 2022


 

 

Where is Your Rest?

Christmas Poem 2022

 

Caesar Augustus, ruler of the Empire

 Reclining on pillows of satin, brow wiped with linens,

 You usher a decree to your subjects-- report and number.

Resting in ability to make men move and heed.

Yet, foretold, only a pawn, 

For in the dawn, Joseph leaves with his betrothed

Registering  his Ancestry of David,

And with her, the Holy seed.

 

Where is your rest, O tyrant of a nation?

In political power, in subjugation?

The manipulation and fear brought,

The bombs you drop?

A True Believer fights emancipation

As refugees cross borders

And kneel in the dust of mortars.



Shepherds, ruler of the flocks

Heads lying on smoother rocks,

The sheep slumber on a clear cold night.

On watch in the fields—your rest

Broken, your bodies unclean

But to you is given a sight unseen.

The Heavens proclaim the New Born King

For all strayed, eyes closed in our dreams.



 

Where is your rest, O ruler of the dark?

Lurking deceiver, a wolf in sheep’s clothing

Determined to snuff out the spark.

Subtle and sneaky if not on our mark.

Spiritual warfare nears and rears

But the Heavens do battle--

Joy in victory tears; chains rattle.

 

Mary, O favored of God

Chosen one, as you proclaim,

My soul exalts the Lord, and my

Spirit has rejoiced in God my Saviour,”  

“I rest in You as I carry Your Son

Your will be done. Deliver soon.

As she straddles the beast sojourning afar,

A weary couple cannot find a room.



Where is your rest, Joseph, my servant?

For even in sleep, never deep

Your thoughts shake the bed.

You consider the facts,

Angels of dreams confirm your acts

And the Gospel is told to one so bold

As you walk the prophesy tracks.

 

Oh, where is your rest fathers and mothers?

Schools and bedrooms no longer safe

Bullets, pills, predators ready to take

What was once wrong now embraced;

Addiction, depression, estrangement unfaced

Sin remains the cause, fathers and mothers pause,

For Christ’s mercy we pray without haste.



Where is your rest, O little Holy child?

For from You the whole world’s unrest divides.

By Your sovereign plan, You-- the Messiah, Immanuel

Provide the peace for our lives to dwell.

“No rest for the weary,” as some may say

But God, a child named Jesus

–in His grace we are saved!

 

Where is your rest, O children of God?

Do you wonder and question this world—

Where is love? Is God above?

Are you bitter, uncertain,

Angry and alone? Is this really your home?

Come to the stable but kneel at the Cross

Close your eyes, rest, take heart--

Believe! Jesus Christ lights all your dark.



\John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.“



Saturday, June 11, 2022

...But in Your Righteous Way



Mourning Duskywing Butterfly 


 Upside down, at a rest,

Gravity pulling at me

Yet I cling to Your Radiance

Your sustenance.
And from the upside down

I can see more of You

Because there...
Here, in You, with You-- my focus

Attaches me to Your Spirit,

Your will.
Align me...Oh sovereign God.

Not with things of this world...
But in Your righteous Way

A silver lining in the pain

Drawn across my humanity

An identity of my mourning

A celebration of my Hope.

Amen





Saturday, December 18, 2021

Christmas 2021: The Way Forward



 

The Way Forward

 

Darkness surrounded us.

As I sat you on the beast.

A move imperative,

A prayer for light restorative






No one can understand

How uncertain in this I am.

Can I know truth in dreams?

Is it love that redeems?

 

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole wide world, in His hands…

 

The beast snorts and the travel begins

As the dust settles in our pores.

Alone, yet protected,

A star rises in the East, selected.




 

Shelter comes rough and used

Small and…enough

Rest, dear one.

God is with us, His will be done.

 

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole wide world, in His hands…

 

Can anything good come from this little town?

Apprenticeship, growth and adventure,

Family and human connection--

Continued compassion, Holy protection.





A man born with a purpose

Travels back to the Sea

And gathers the ones who will walk along side,

Preparing for what God will provide.




 

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole wide world, in His hands…

 

And I again, must submit to the One

Though fear and the unknown remain.

My heart fills with Hope in the promises for all

For redemption is the utmost call.

 

Praise be to God for the journeys we’re on

Difficult and unpredictable they may be

For You, Oh God, have a Way so divine,

My prayer for us-- to humbly align.

 

He’s got the whole world in His hands

He’s got the whole wide world, in His hands…

 








 

Merry Christmas to all of you near and far. 

Coleene 

Friday, December 18, 2020

Be Safe, Be Saved

 

Christmas 2020 Poem 


 

--Will remember, forever that Sunday

Sitting with friends in class,

The cell phone—that blast.

A text message reads:

Kobe Bryant deceased!

 

An ending of a life, and another…

And another…

 

In the morning mist, in the low-hanging clouds,

A helicopter spins and pivots

And the hill burns a divot.

The time clock resets,

The soft sway of the nets.

 

Center court—all nine off the bench,

To glory, more glory…

 

Psalm 84:10 “For better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere.”








 

February takes a leap; March lands unsteady.

A virus in China?

A concern? Kinda.

By the thirteenth of Friday

It’s no longer hearsay.

 

Stay home, wear a mask,

PPE and T.P.—Corona-19




 

Psalm 91:1-2 I will say to the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely He will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge, his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

 

Essential becomes a term, a status.

Sending out a stimulus check.

Tom Hanks and his wife? What the heck!

We become familiar with the daily briefings

And all the statistic increasings.

 

We can’t visit our mother

And she passes away…alone.




 

Isaiah 49:13b For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on the afflicted ones.

 

Psalm 23:4 “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil’ for Thou art with me…”

 

Tears and tiers; and what Dr. Fauci said…

Binge-watching Netflix

Zoom and Google meets mix.

Weddings cancelled, reunions too.

Ventilator shortages and beds in ICUs.

 

And two sides make their case

As a knee presses into a neck.

 






Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

 

Olympics on hold, Orlando NBA bubble.

Let’s root for the home team

Because here is where we dream.

We worship from our sofa

With our coffee or our cola.

 

Missing the hugs and connections;

Collateral damage amongst us all.




 


Hebrews 10:25 Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.

 

And I am not sure what I should do

But I know I must protect

Not let this affect

What God has ordained

For a world bent and stained.

 

Government mandate, a journey very far.

A tent or a cave…we’ll accept.







Matthew 1:23-24 “the virgin will conceive and give birth to a Son, and they will call Him Immanuel, (which means “God with us”). When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife…

 

When Hope arrives will we even take notice?

The debate rages on

Nothing new under the sun.

But with the Son

All things infected become undone.

 

Christ still reigns; then and now.

He is my Good and healing Shepherd.




 

Deuteronomy 31:8 the Lord Himself goes before you; He will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.

 

Ashes rain down, smoke fills the skies

Red states, blue states

No conventions or debates

A virus still burns to the left and right

Do we know with God, we win this fight?

 

What, we can’t sing a praise?

Grab your lawn chairs.


 

Psalm 147:1 Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant and a song of praise is fitting.

James 5:13 Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.

 

2020: Muted or perfect vision?

Stay at home or Home Bound?

Feeling lost or new focus found?

Zoom gloom or

Creativity bloom?

 

“For I know the plans I have for you…”

Be Safe, Be Saved.

 

Romans 10: 9-10 “that if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”