BEHOLD Christmas 2024 Poem

 

BEHOLD

A Reflection of 2024

 

Chosen, the word Behold this year

To mean a surprise of grace.

Which with many words I’ve written before,

Previously made my case.

 

John 1:16 “For in His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace.”

The world, the culture—

So intentionally blots out;

Disregards the Hope,

Change, cancel, stir up doubt.

 

John 15:18 “If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you.”

 

 In January I BEHOLD and visit the place,

The church where I first heard.

My baptism, my wedding,  now a memorial good-bye.

A Sanctuary echoing God’s Word.

 

Genesis 28:16 “Surely the Lord is in this place…”

 Bethany Baptist Church, West Covina, Calif.

 

Along came February,  a month full of hearts.

Two birthday girls forever cherished;

One Heavenly mother, her 4-year old gift.

This love will never perish. 

 

Ps. 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted…

 

March brought showers

Both in babies and rain.

Baseball’s opening day,

We climb on board the Big Blue Train.

When your bestie's daughter has a baby...you're involved!  

 We love our Dodgers! 

Ps 85:11 “Truth springs from the earth and righteousness looks down from heaven.” 

 

Behold-- It is spring

Seventieth birthday this May.

 Lord, what more time will You allow?

 …Another bittersweet Mother’s Day.

 

Job 12:12 “So with old age is wisdom, and with length of days understanding.”

My birthday at the Dodger Game. Yes, we won!

 

In June, the plethora of the butterfly;

What a sight to BEHOLD!

Until we see glaciers—Creation’s Glory;

Signs and wonders of God unfold!

  What I thought looked like praying hands at Hubbard Glacier, Alaska.

Romans 1:20 “For God’s invisible attributes, that is His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen since the creation of the world, being understood through what He has made.”

 

July a celebration in patriotism

But we wonder at this country’s mess.

A nation divided awaits an election;

Choose God over all this distress.

Psalm 103:19 “The Lord has established His throne in the heavens and His sovereignty rules over all.”

 

Behold, the summer solstice;

So much oppressive heat.

But a reunion of ol’ classmates

Brings a thankful meet and greet.

 

Hebrews 10:25  “…not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near.”

 

 September behold, the birthday of Tim.

Would be 44 years now, 17 we’ve missed.

End of month travel to Colorado and more;

In So Dakota’s Black Hills-- where we’d blow him a kiss.  

Rev 21:4 “...and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall be no longer any death.”

 

Behold, Wyoming’s vast skies

Out on the drive through plains.

A butterfly cloud forms and floats up above

A reminder of Grace and its gains.

Nahum 1:3d “…And clouds are the dust beneath His feet.”

 

Fall is filled with many a heart concern

Behold! I know God numbers our days.

I learn of the passing of a friend, so dear

A hero, a warrior; John, fly with Heaven’s rays.

Lt. Col John Labuda 

"Stay strong in God's network Coke," John's favorite thing to leave me with. 

Psalm 27:1 “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread?”

 

Linda, my dear partner and mentor

Sought rest, went peacefully home.

In strength beyond, she fought the good fight;

Be still, so missed, loved and known.

 

Psalm 46:10a “Cease striving and know that I am God…”

Behold come November,

The Dodgers crowned victors of the Series.

The election results tallied

Grand Slams answered queries.

Romans 8:37 “But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.”  

 

Study of the Word, a Daniel lesson,

And God shows up within the fires.

He honors the faithful, shuts the mouth of beasts.

No compromise! Pray! God’s Word I desire.

 

Daniel 2:22 “It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things; He knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with Him.”

 

Behold, December, an Advent expectation.

The lights still sparkle, the Nativity all set,

The presents purchased, Christmas music in tune,

Hope, Joy, Peace and Love in return for our debt.

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.

 

Born of the Virgin, Emmanuel;

It’s Christmas-- much more than a season.

But a promise, a Holy relationship divine

He’s Truth and Purpose, Wisdom’s Reason.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding and in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.”

 

Behold, I tell of His wondrous Grace

Of meeting my needs and more.

My hope, I pray for you-- to believe,

His Purpose, His plan… Come and Adore.

 

Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”  

Blessings

Coleene VanTilburg

Christmas Poem 2024 

 

 

Journal Entries: My Imperfect Love

What if Mary and Joseph kept a journal? 

Journal Entries

My Imperfect Love

Lord, my young heart bows before You.

How can I be Your servant, be obedient?

I sometimes think of only myself.

Lord, this is not how I should love You?

I long to feel Your presence, be in the immediate.

Lord, I want Your Way. Teach me, show me how to love.

I am imperfect, incapable of loving You as I should.

My prayers seem like the noisy marketplace at times.

Yet, I feel my faith in You stirring me up to know You.

You can move mountains Lord, move my heart

towards Your perfect will; may I see the signs.

My imperfect love bows at the Face of Perfect Love.

I Corinthians 13:1-3  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but I have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and If I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Lord, how can this be? I love her, my betrothed one.

She tells me of such a thing…of a betrayal, yet I must respect her, still honor her.

Love…this love and hope I feel, now…I don’t know Lord. I am so confused.

Father God, I know You are perfect. Your will for me must be perfect too.  Help me Father to do the right thing, to bear this heartbreak. I cannot refuse.

Love cannot be perfect unless I am obedient and dismiss my pride.

Help me to keep loving as You love us.

Oh God. I promise to still be her protector. Help me Lord believe in Your plan,

never my own schemes or what others intend or seek against You for harm.

Give me patience and strength as I prepare for a journey.

We are learning to love, yet help me Lord love more when I can.

I rejoice in life and hope and that You give dreams of revelation to the humble.

Amen

I Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love grows inside of me. I do not know why I am chosen.

I am imperfect, still a virgin, not knowing yet the life as a wife.

My betrothed, Joseph, he is most gentle and seeks Your will as well.

Thank you for this man who loves me so perfectly and chose to keep honoring me.

You, Father God,  will make a way for us, in this growing life.

I only know in part, yet this Messiah, this baby I am carrying knows in full.

Father, I am to raise up a son, not just any son, but the Holy and Perfect Son of God. This baby--Oh, I cannot begin to understand such mysteries, God with us.

This Perfect Child is to come and be our Savior! One day, I will know fully Your Perfect Love and plan as I have read in the Holy Scriptures. But for now, help me take what I know in part and be all I can be for Mary and this child. I have faith plus,

You have restored my hope and love abides near, in a womb, in our hearts. Thy will be done. 

She bounces gently on the donkey as we make our way on this long journey. It's time for the census. Great is Your love Lord, for Mary, more than I could ever give to her. Greater still,

Your love for us, to send this perfect child in this Holy Way.

I will keep stepping in faith and wait on Your Light as You guide us to Glory.

Here we lay waiting Lord, and Joy is my fill.

His name shall be Jesus, Hallelujah and Amen.

Lord, I feel the pangs of birth. I am Your child, and...You, The Messiah comes to free me, 

to Love Perfectly Your Creation. You have given me favor in my young age

when I only wanted to serve You in my imperfect ways. I have been called Blessed One. Joseph and I remain hopeful in all this secrecy and divine appearances and protection. You are fulfilling the prophetic Word;

in and through us we wage

our love, though flawed. Your perfection will lead us in Faith and Hope.

I look upon Your perfect face, and forever I will love You.

Perfect Love. We believe. Your plan is good

You are the Only Way, the Perfect Love for all mankind.

You are my son, but You are my King.

Help us now Lord to worship You and raise You as we should.

I hold You, I behold You, my son, My Lord, Amen.

I Corinthians 13:13 “So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

John 19: 26-27 “Woman, behold your son, Son, behold your mother.”

John 3:16  “For God so loved the World that He gave of His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.”

John 1:14 “ And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only Begotten of the Father, full of Grace and Truth.”

 Considerably yours, Coleene 

Christmas 2019

"Sinner's Creed"

Flipping over the last page of an autobiography I just finished, "Sinner's Creed," by Scott Stapp, (with David Ritz) lead singer of the band Creed, the lyrics to Stapp's songs, or rather his poetry put to music, tell his story on their own. It seems I had some insight to that, or rather my son did, as he urged me to tune my ear to a new band called "Creed" who seemed to sing of God and "spiritual things." Tim and I always enjoyed music in the car, and most of what he liked, I liked, and visa-versa. We listened to bands like Matchbox Twenty, No Doubt, Goo Goo Dolls, Collecive Soul, and Third Eye Blind. He liked some of my old school bands too like, The Beatles, Zepplin, and Fleetwood Mac.

 "Listen to these words mom, Tim said. He's a Christian, I can hear it in his lyrics."

I questioned his interpretation, until I gave a listen. Tim knew I paid attention to the lyrics. When he received a Green Day CD, I took it back to the store, after hearing some very disturbing lyrics.  He never fought me on that decision, which made me happy.  Anxious for me to listen to the words, the Creed song Higher began to play on the FM station. Driving Tim to his job at the golf course, I remember specifically, cruising through the low-hanging layer of fog, the cow pastures on either side of me, dawn just breaking, and Stapp's powerful voice asking the question, "can you take me higher?" The next few lines confirmed to me that this song was not about a "drug induced" euphoria because he sang about going to a place "where blind men see, where the streets are gold" a place he longed to be, where love replaced hate. It was subtle; Jesus' name didn't come up, but I could feel something, hear something...

Instant Fan!

Before the days of Air-1 (Christian alternative music, family friendly stations), I'm not sure I would have tuned in to "Christian music" on a daily basis at that time in my life.  The car was not exactly the place those days where spiritual instruction took place. We were usually hurrying to get to soccer practice, pick up dinner, get to work, or some sort of medical emergency. Sunday, yes, we did make it to church, but my sons, not so much. Tim, despite his lack of "organized church" after his teens, never doubted in God's love and longed for answers to questions not so easily understood. Life was hard for him. He gravitated to the lyrics, "It's like he's born again, but he's mad or confused or something..."   We'd continue to listen after purchasing the CD's  and Tim would read the lyrics.

Forward 15 years. Yes, Tim, you understood more than you knew.

Seeing this book on the "recommended reading" table at the bookstore two weeks ago, I grabbed it and finished it up in just a few days. "Creed" was not a Christian band. Stapp had a hard time with that label put on him. (his band members as well). Scott Stapp, a gifted individual in many genres, grew up knowing Christ as his Savior, but missed the grace part. His life became a series of dissapointments in trying to please people and please God and hypocrisy and abuse tortured his soul.   It is a story of survival and many, many "restarts"  in his walk with God.  I found myself rooting for him, only to be saddened by his failures. Very slowly, he entered into the rythym of grace. With the help, love of his wife and her family and never truly giving up,  he began to let go of the things he could not control, live sober,  taking back his soul, but giving it over to the cleansing grace of the Lord who never left him.  Scott Stapp's story is a powerful testimony of a brilliant singer/song writer, where grace was  held at bay by those closest to him, his grandfather only giving him a glimpse.  When he finally allows it to pierce his heart, grace begins to absorb the hurt.

With all his giftedness, Stapp became very sucessful in the world, surrounded by all the desires that come with being a rock and roll star.  His heart though, belonged to God and God persued him and in reading this book, I feel Stapp's songs were prayers persuing the loving God he knew he truly needed to embrace.

He writes, "These songs were hardly alter calls. Rather than promoting my religious past, I was questioning it. I wasn't selling my Christianity; I was struggling with it. By no stretch of the imagination were they anti-Christian, but at the same time they couldn't be considered Christian creeds. My firm conviction was that fans who responded to the lyrics also shared my struggles."

How different a tune, how different a second stanza, with his questions answered, if Scott wrote his lyrics knowing that Christ is all about grace.  God's unconditional love and patience for this gifted human clay of a man allows him now to tell his story and be real, be authentic, and relate  to  individuals who have been hurt by hypocrisy and the cover of "religion," destroying trust issues as well as addiction and depression.

I am still a fan.

Tim liked his lyrics and loved the music, his powerful "made for rock"  voice. He understood that like himself, Scott Stapp struggled to understand pain and purpose. They sang in harmony. Tim also found amazing grace, now walking the Golden Streets. Lives weren't lived perfect--full of "rock and roll" and then some, but grace always abounds and grace hold me still, with one foot tapping to the beat...

"Inside Us All"

When I'm all alone
And no one else is there
Waiting by the phone
To remind me
I'm still here
When shadows paint the scenes
Where spotlights used to fall
And I'm left wondering
Is it really worth it all?

There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on In the end
There's a peace inside us all

Life can hold you down
When you're not looking up
Can't you hear the sounds?
Hearts beating out loud
Although the names change
Inside we're all the same
Why can't we tear down these walls?
To show the scars we're covering

There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on In the end
There's a peace inside us all

[Guitar Break]

There's a peace
Oh there's a peace inside us all
Let it be... Oh, I said let it be, let it be your friend
There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on In the End
There's a peace inside us all
There's a peace, inside us all, Inside us all
Let it be, Let it be, Let it be,
Let it be, Let it be, Let it be,
Let it be, Let it be your friend.