Journal Entries: My Imperfect Love

What if Mary and Joseph kept a journal? 

Journal Entries

My Imperfect Love

Lord, my young heart bows before You.

How can I be Your servant, be obedient?

I sometimes think of only myself.

Lord, this is not how I should love You?

I long to feel Your presence, be in the immediate.

Lord, I want Your Way. Teach me, show me how to love.

I am imperfect, incapable of loving You as I should.

My prayers seem like the noisy marketplace at times.

Yet, I feel my faith in You stirring me up to know You.

You can move mountains Lord, move my heart

towards Your perfect will; may I see the signs.

My imperfect love bows at the Face of Perfect Love.

I Corinthians 13:1-3  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but I have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and If I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Lord, how can this be? I love her, my betrothed one.

She tells me of such a thing…of a betrayal, yet I must respect her, still honor her.

Love…this love and hope I feel, now…I don’t know Lord. I am so confused.

Father God, I know You are perfect. Your will for me must be perfect too.  Help me Father to do the right thing, to bear this heartbreak. I cannot refuse.

Love cannot be perfect unless I am obedient and dismiss my pride.

Help me to keep loving as You love us.

Oh God. I promise to still be her protector. Help me Lord believe in Your plan,

never my own schemes or what others intend or seek against You for harm.

Give me patience and strength as I prepare for a journey.

We are learning to love, yet help me Lord love more when I can.

I rejoice in life and hope and that You give dreams of revelation to the humble.

Amen

I Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love grows inside of me. I do not know why I am chosen.

I am imperfect, still a virgin, not knowing yet the life as a wife.

My betrothed, Joseph, he is most gentle and seeks Your will as well.

Thank you for this man who loves me so perfectly and chose to keep honoring me.

You, Father God,  will make a way for us, in this growing life.

I only know in part, yet this Messiah, this baby I am carrying knows in full.

Father, I am to raise up a son, not just any son, but the Holy and Perfect Son of God. This baby--Oh, I cannot begin to understand such mysteries, God with us.

This Perfect Child is to come and be our Savior! One day, I will know fully Your Perfect Love and plan as I have read in the Holy Scriptures. But for now, help me take what I know in part and be all I can be for Mary and this child. I have faith plus,

You have restored my hope and love abides near, in a womb, in our hearts. Thy will be done. 

She bounces gently on the donkey as we make our way on this long journey. It's time for the census. Great is Your love Lord, for Mary, more than I could ever give to her. Greater still,

Your love for us, to send this perfect child in this Holy Way.

I will keep stepping in faith and wait on Your Light as You guide us to Glory.

Here we lay waiting Lord, and Joy is my fill.

His name shall be Jesus, Hallelujah and Amen.

Lord, I feel the pangs of birth. I am Your child, and...You, The Messiah comes to free me, 

to Love Perfectly Your Creation. You have given me favor in my young age

when I only wanted to serve You in my imperfect ways. I have been called Blessed One. Joseph and I remain hopeful in all this secrecy and divine appearances and protection. You are fulfilling the prophetic Word;

in and through us we wage

our love, though flawed. Your perfection will lead us in Faith and Hope.

I look upon Your perfect face, and forever I will love You.

Perfect Love. We believe. Your plan is good

You are the Only Way, the Perfect Love for all mankind.

You are my son, but You are my King.

Help us now Lord to worship You and raise You as we should.

I hold You, I behold You, my son, My Lord, Amen.

I Corinthians 13:13 “So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

John 19: 26-27 “Woman, behold your son, Son, behold your mother.”

John 3:16  “For God so loved the World that He gave of His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.”

John 1:14 “ And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only Begotten of the Father, full of Grace and Truth.”

 Considerably yours, Coleene 

Christmas 2019

Star Peace

Star Peace

In a Galaxy not so far far away

Inhabitants waited for a millennium of days

For a Savior, the Messiah, promised from Old

He would be King and save their souls

“Help us, they prayed, Oh be the One.

You’re the only hope, please come!”

“Someone has to save our skins,”

--The Israelites relentless din.

For a people, chosen race, soldiers stood guard

The sins of their past left a history marred.

The Roman Empire strikes back

And their hearts grew very slack.

Meanwhile in an uncharted, distant town

The Captain of Storm Troopers, Gabriel came down

To a Nazarene girl, pure and obedient,

The Holy Spirit, her special ingredient.

“Highly favored are you, so don’t be afraid.

Your Son will be the One to save.”

Her betrothed, Joseph, considered and prayed

What to do with his fiancé’, in this way?

But God appeared in his dream, he understood

That the Force within her was Holy and Good.

“Take Mary as your wife, and she shall bear a Son.

Name Him Jesus, I AM His Father, My will be done.”

“The Return of the JEDI,” she marked the date.

Joseph Eli David Isaac, a census to take.

Large and cumbersome, a three-day flight

She felt as though she may…just might.

But the Force, the Spirit kept her until then,

They landed and knocked on the door of that Inn.

Lord,  “this is our most desperate hour,”

Only an out-building for droids is our offer.

Finding a crate of packing straw,

She rested her feet; Joseph cleared the stall.

Soon, she’d gaze on the One she’d bore,

The Creator of all the stars that soar.

“Your eyes can deceive you, don’t trust them,” he said.

One shepherd to another in the pasture, their bed.

They gazed to the Heaven and saw a great light

A Death Star? —No, beautiful, but they had great fright.

Suddenly the voice of a Skywalker announced

The Good News of the birth of a Savior, Immanuel pronounced!

They followed that star to the place He lay

The Lamb of God, at rest and at play.

The rumors began and the airwaves busy

Wiseman stared at their skymaps until dizzy.

“Sir, the possibility of navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to one.”

Trust God! We must take these gifts now, worship and serve the One!

A New Hope came down, the Force of God made human

To fulfill the prophesies and make us new again.

The Phantom Menace, the dark side is bent

To hinder and bombard us with weapons of intent

To distract, mislead, discourage and hate

But God’s final battle determines his fate.

So be a hero like Mary and obey.

Be humble like Joseph and listen always.

Follow His lead on earth and sky

Lean, I do on His wisdom from High

Though beat up and battered, our starships will cease

But He’ll promise to guide you to a Heavenly Peace.

Just believe in the Good, the Greatest Story of all

That Jesus Christ is the biggest box office draw.

He’s the Alpha and Omega, the prequel and sequel

Our Grace and Forgiver, Peace-giver and tranquil

This Christmas morning “awaken to the Force”

Of His Love and His Mercy, the Truth and the Source.

Matthew 28:20 …and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

Merry Christmas and His Peace in your hearts for 2016 and beyond! 

Coleene VanTilburg