Saturday, August 13, 2016

A Story of Metamorphosis

For three summers now, writing a memoir called "Grace Upon Amazing Grace," filled my afternoons with memories, tears, music, amazement, God's Word, and a lot prayerful perseverance to complete this work of love. 

Well, I finished it on Wednesday night. Yeah God! Although I am working still a bit on the epilogue, that too, may change a bit as I ponder this whole process.

Someone said to me recently, there are three types of people: those who dream a dream or envision an idea, but when they start to dabble in it, or do a little research, or even receive some negativity or obstacles, they give up.

Next, is the person who completes the first part of a dream, like actually write the book, but they stop there because the process of editing, choosing a publisher, marketing, branding, etc., presents too much work, too much decision making, just too much additional effort. They are satisfied with writing the book...just for the sake of writing a book. It remains in a file on their computer.

The third person seems to know that writing a book is a whole lot more than plot developments,  effective dialogue, research, grammar, "...and they lived happily after ever."

It's a whole lot more than critiques, edits, harder edits and formatting...

It's the MORE they really dream of, the "contract," the reviews, the UPS truck driving up to their porch delivering the first 100 copies, the book signings, the movie deals.

WHAT!!!!!  ????

No movie deals! But yes, I do believe I am this third person, on the lower scale of things anyways. I dream now of moving forward to the next phase, slowly, considerably and wisely, with my eye on the Lord because none of this is about my glory, my fame, my agenda. I've told a very personal story because God told me to. He will continue to direct me.


It started out as a tiny egg of an idea, hatching into a squirmy caterpillar , words crawling across the pages, a little at a time. Growing and being nurtured by the goodness of the Lord, the word count and chapters increasing. 

I could let the obstacles, the multiple distractions, the financial, the unbelievers and naysayers, those flying-monkey demons... try to get me down, pull me from my sustaining grace, but I won't because God gave me a passion and a talent, a suit of armour and maybe... just a little stubborn streak. 

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Blessed with many close friends, praying warriors, invested family, (hubby and son) who support this effort and contributed as well, I am not alone. They dream with me and I feel it, I appreciate it so much. Community and encouragement always sees a bigger picture and possibilities than doing stuff alone--truly a team effort!

I am held in his hand, as was Tim. He looked upon us both and said, 

 "Fly! I will give you grace!"  It was done at the cross. 

Metamorphosis takes us both on an eternal journey. Tim to heaven, me... taking longer to process this whole idea, accepting it and then looking up and trusting the Lord, to see His glory in it all.

Today Lord, I take what You have asked of me, to take my experiences and write a beautiful story of great loss, yes, but also one of greater grace and Hope. All 41 chapters and 54,000 words give or take... I hold it for a few seconds, giving thanks, rejoicing in this dual effort, seeng the beauty of it all, finished and tangible before my eyes. I am truly overwhelmed. 

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Now I walk the road of faith, through the enclosures and obstacles that just might come before me, but You Lord will make a way. I continue to move  through and past grief and see the supernatural miracles You have made in the ashes, the lives you've allowed me to touch with our story already. Today and always, may I give thanksgiving to all those who made this journey God honoring, possible, and especially Lord, to You, the Giver of all things good.

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I release this memoir, "Grace Upon Amazing Grace," my work of love for my son, Timothy, and His memory. I release it for God's continued orchestration in and through the next level, the metamorphisis of words on a computer document, to words on pages of a book, published. I release it for the Glory of the great God I serve. May You, Lord, be lifted into hearts and hands of those who grieve, but also to those who long to know Your peace in the depths of their own heart-breaking circumstances. 

You can find Him in a book that IS readily available, His Holy Word. Open it, find that love in Christ's words through His life and purpose for you. 

Metamorphosis. Transformng Grace. Healer. Freedom Giver. Purpose Installer. Creator. Sovereign. To know that You are a God that can be seen, felt, heard and known in a personal way...and that above all else, you love us, you desire a relationship with us, and your promises hold true. Isn't that awesome!  

 I release you, ...not just on butterfly wings, but wings of eagles. May this honor you Lord and make hearts flutter with the possibilities of more grace, more of God, amazing hope. 

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His Word and presence in my life through the Holy Spirit gave me the strength and peace to rise above earthly circumstances, to write the words of the miraculous healing through grief, to believe in GREATER THINGS!  

Thank you to two special friends, moms who both know this same grief: Melody Chamorro, who also took the butterfly release videos and Eileen Morales, adopter of my memory butterfly I released. 

John 1: 1-5 "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being by Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the light of man. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."

Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is that which is good and acceptable and perfect." 

Coleene VanTilburg 


  1. Yes! I too believe you are that "third type of person" because for you, your book being published is not the end; but rather just the beginning. So happy for you!

  2. Proud of you and the sustained effort that is demonstrated in this post!

  3. Wonderful to see this and experience it with you. Quite a multi-media experience. I was changed (morphed) by reading and watching it!