Journal Entries: My Imperfect Love

What if Mary and Joseph kept a journal? 

Journal Entries

My Imperfect Love

Lord, my young heart bows before You.

How can I be Your servant, be obedient?

I sometimes think of only myself.

Lord, this is not how I should love You?

I long to feel Your presence, be in the immediate.

Lord, I want Your Way. Teach me, show me how to love.

I am imperfect, incapable of loving You as I should.

My prayers seem like the noisy marketplace at times.

Yet, I feel my faith in You stirring me up to know You.

You can move mountains Lord, move my heart

towards Your perfect will; may I see the signs.

My imperfect love bows at the Face of Perfect Love.

I Corinthians 13:1-3  If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but I have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and If I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Lord, how can this be? I love her, my betrothed one.

She tells me of such a thing…of a betrayal, yet I must respect her, still honor her.

Love…this love and hope I feel, now…I don’t know Lord. I am so confused.

Father God, I know You are perfect. Your will for me must be perfect too.  Help me Father to do the right thing, to bear this heartbreak. I cannot refuse.

Love cannot be perfect unless I am obedient and dismiss my pride.

Help me to keep loving as You love us.

Oh God. I promise to still be her protector. Help me Lord believe in Your plan,

never my own schemes or what others intend or seek against You for harm.

Give me patience and strength as I prepare for a journey.

We are learning to love, yet help me Lord love more when I can.

I rejoice in life and hope and that You give dreams of revelation to the humble.

Amen

I Corinthians 13: 4-7 Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love grows inside of me. I do not know why I am chosen.

I am imperfect, still a virgin, not knowing yet the life as a wife.

My betrothed, Joseph, he is most gentle and seeks Your will as well.

Thank you for this man who loves me so perfectly and chose to keep honoring me.

You, Father God,  will make a way for us, in this growing life.

I only know in part, yet this Messiah, this baby I am carrying knows in full.

Father, I am to raise up a son, not just any son, but the Holy and Perfect Son of God. This baby--Oh, I cannot begin to understand such mysteries, God with us.

This Perfect Child is to come and be our Savior! One day, I will know fully Your Perfect Love and plan as I have read in the Holy Scriptures. But for now, help me take what I know in part and be all I can be for Mary and this child. I have faith plus,

You have restored my hope and love abides near, in a womb, in our hearts. Thy will be done. 

She bounces gently on the donkey as we make our way on this long journey. It's time for the census. Great is Your love Lord, for Mary, more than I could ever give to her. Greater still,

Your love for us, to send this perfect child in this Holy Way.

I will keep stepping in faith and wait on Your Light as You guide us to Glory.

Here we lay waiting Lord, and Joy is my fill.

His name shall be Jesus, Hallelujah and Amen.

Lord, I feel the pangs of birth. I am Your child, and...You, The Messiah comes to free me, 

to Love Perfectly Your Creation. You have given me favor in my young age

when I only wanted to serve You in my imperfect ways. I have been called Blessed One. Joseph and I remain hopeful in all this secrecy and divine appearances and protection. You are fulfilling the prophetic Word;

in and through us we wage

our love, though flawed. Your perfection will lead us in Faith and Hope.

I look upon Your perfect face, and forever I will love You.

Perfect Love. We believe. Your plan is good

You are the Only Way, the Perfect Love for all mankind.

You are my son, but You are my King.

Help us now Lord to worship You and raise You as we should.

I hold You, I behold You, my son, My Lord, Amen.

I Corinthians 13:13 “So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

John 19: 26-27 “Woman, behold your son, Son, behold your mother.”

John 3:16  “For God so loved the World that He gave of His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.”

John 1:14 “ And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only Begotten of the Father, full of Grace and Truth.”

 Considerably yours, Coleene 

Christmas 2019

...And Then I Hear Him

I watch, holding my breath

Feeling both pain and overcoming joy.

His tiny features and newborn skin bond to my soul,

As I hold him so close, forever mine.

I ponder motherhood, an honorary role,

Intentional blessedness

So much to learn…

            And then I hear his cry,

            Prayers begin to yearn.

I watch as an angel appears before me

In the garden’s morning walk.

His magnificence shines and I am amazed at the sight.

He speaks words of purpose, a Holy Plan to be

I bow in awe and wonder as He speaks of Coming Light.

How God…why me?

            And then I hear him call me Favored One,

            Mary, so shall it be.

I watch as he grows and discovers,

Curiosity catapults and words articulate.

Motherhood is fun and hard, many surprises and delights.

Settled into somewhat routine

Jotting down memories, maybe some highlights.

The reality of life sets in

Detours appear,  Grace guiding us down the hard road

            And then I hear Him whisper…

            I will help carry your load.

I watch Him grow in wisdom and stature,

In favor with God and man.

Already set to do His Will , teaching

At the Temple, he stayed too long

Asking questions, listening, preparing for preaching…

Soon He would gather

The twelve Fisher’s of Men,

            And then I hear Him announce,

            “I’m about to begin.”

I watch him lay so still

That machine breathing in, breathing out.

Motherhood is love and hope, faith and…trust.

Prayers now in desperation

Oh, how I know God is a stronghold, a must,

As his spirit leaves,

To meet God on that night.

            And then I hear Him comfort me,

            “I promise to make this right.”

I watched Him as they mocked,

Spat at Him and lashed,

He walked with that Cross,

To the hill called Golgotha,  

And one hung alongside to believe

And one paid the cost.

Spikes driven, upright stood.

             And then I hear Him tell me,

            “Behold, your Son, this too will be good.”

I watched Him, again in the garden and beyond

My heart seeking more and longing for the Deeper Things.

His generously guided grace surrounds

To heal , infuse, purpose me

With the supernatural in and around.

I miss him so, it is true,

But the promises are Eternal…

            And then I hear Him give me

            A purpose, for the time here, external.

I watched Him as He died, prepared Him for that tomb

But on that third day, God’s preparation completed the Plan.

All the wrongs in the world hung with Him that day

For He Is God’s Son you see, the final Sacrificial Lamb

Overcoming death and sin, in the blood-price He paid.

Confess your need

Give Him your heart

            And then you’ll hear Him tell you

            I love you My child, and I will never depart.

 Considerably Yours,

Merry Christmas

Coleene